LAUGH OUT LOUD

Bloopers, people making mistakes, and of course we would never laugh at their expense, right? Or would we….
From the Yeovil, England, Western Gazette: "The first swallow has arrived at Devizes. It was spotted by Police Constable John Cooke, of Seend, whose hobby is bird watching, sitting wet and bedraggled on telephone wires." (How does that constable do that while he’s all wet, I tried it and fell off three times?)
Classified ad: Man wanted to work in dynamite factory; must be willing to travel. (How far up?)
From the Tulsa, Oklahoma, World: "It is permissible to spank a child if one has a definite end in view." (Always keep your eyes open!)
The Harrah, Oklahoma, News ran an article about the Folderol String Band, which was to entertain at a barbecue. The story explained, "These true sons of the Southwest have twanged their music all over Oklahoma and have been asked more than once to leave the state." (And don’t come back!!)
Society note in the Denver, Colorado, Rocky Mountain News: "She looked like the belle of a court ball with the gown and her hair piled high on her head." (Someone should tell her that the dress goes lower)
Sign spotted in Jacksonville, Florida: Pool is open 24 hours. Please do not enter the pool at any other time. (Like during the 25th hour?)
In a letter from a summer camp director: Dear parents: We are pleased to announce the opening of registration. We are working hard and looking forward to the ultimate bummer experience for everyone. (I think I’ve been to that camp)
A classic of its kind was this sign in an army mess hall in Britain. Printed in big black letters across the exit, it read: Kindly Let Those Who Are Going Out First.
That sentence drove us crazy, and I thought it would never be topped. But it was, in a San Francisco bar. I overheard a guy who was being pestered to death by a frightful bore snap, "If you don't get out of here and leave me alone, I'll find somebody who can!" (So there, if that didn't make you laugh I’ll find someone else who did.)
Did you have a good laugh? These are all things that I found, and no I was not in a bar, really!

LEADERS AND LAUGHS

To be a good leader you must learn how to deal with difficult people and resolve conflict constructively. And there is often more than one way to do it. Former basketball coach Bobby Knight, who is less than a stellar example of public relations, told that a few years ago when Indiana was playing Michigan State, a man sat behind his bench and heckled Knight all game long—chewed him up one side and down the other. At the end of the game, Knight turned around and said to the lady who was sitting next to the man, “Does he belong to you?” She ducked her head and said sheepishly, “Yes.” Bobby then responded, “You could do so much better than him.”
The next year when the two teams were set to play again, Knight checked on the heckler and discovered that he was an economics professor and a one-time interim president of the opposing university. Knight invited the man to visit with the team prior to the game. After the visit, Knight handed the man several pieces of candy and said, “Here, chew on this rather than me. That way we’ll both enjoy the game better.”
Remember, some people are like sandpaper, the more they rub on you, the smoother you get, and the more worn out they get.

And now, just for laughs; Bloopers...
In an Ohio paper: "The operator of the other car, charged with drunken driving, crashed into Miss Miller's rear end which was sticking out into the road."
The Harrah, Oklahoma, News ran an article about the Folderol String Band, which was to entertain at a barbecue. The story explained, "These true sons of the Southwest have twanged their music all over Oklahoma and have been asked more than once to leave the state."
From the Jacksonville, Florida, Times-Union: "The sewer-expansion project is nearing completion, but city officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished."
And finally…
Real estate ad in program of The Barn Playhouse, New London, New Hampshire: "For Sale. Business site in large city. Busy intersection with traffic light out of order. Just the right spot for doctor or lawyer."
It’s always good to laugh.